Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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