Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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