porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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