why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
