I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
