Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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