I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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