So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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