I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
