my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm passing your future prison.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
