Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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