Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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