I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
