I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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