You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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