Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
