i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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