i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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