just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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