man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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