doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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