Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
