Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pants are for mortals
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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