wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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