I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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