I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
