Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
