a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
