This is not my ceiling
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
