You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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