The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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