im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
