dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
