Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
