Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
