Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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