Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
