He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
