We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
