He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
