She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
