every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
