he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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