I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
