Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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