His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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