dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
