I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
