there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
