Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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