i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to make out with him forever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
