where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
