I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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