Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
