My first STD was from a foam party
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
