Where is the hickey?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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