i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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