i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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