hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
