I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't notice because vodka
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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