Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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