I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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