he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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