For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
